If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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