i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
