i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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