Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
