wakey wakey hands off snakey
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
