covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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