Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
