walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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