I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize