All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
