Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
