Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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