Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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