I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
