put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They took my balls.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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