my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
