just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's like heaven, but drunker
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
