Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
