I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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