honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
one might say we're banned from that church
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
