you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
