After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
