Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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