The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
