i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize