So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How does one acquire holy water?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
