The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
