After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
