I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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