Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
