I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Welp...herpes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
