Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
