There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Congratulations! We have a period
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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