I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let's get the cat blown out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
