I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
