So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As shirtless as possible
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
