VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
