when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
