I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
