your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
