I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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