dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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