the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
