My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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