my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
