Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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