The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
