Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
