I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My liver just had a heart attack.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
