I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude