why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
