There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They also submitted to my demands for pizza