I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.