ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
