we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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