Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
