at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
