Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
