I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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