just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
