The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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