@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
