i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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