I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
