I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
