You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
