What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
