Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
bring money and cleavage
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
