I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
