I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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