At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
