FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
