he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
