She said her name was "party"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
