Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
