My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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