I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
