I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
