You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
