can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
soo... how was my night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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