I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
