conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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