I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
