i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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