i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
