So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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