Apparently you make a good broom.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
