I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
